Girl Problems (explicit)

Warning: I'm gonna be talking about the agonies a girl faces every month until she hits menopause. I'll talk about the agonies of menopause one day when I get there. If you're a guy please still read this so you can laugh at our miseries or if you're human enough, bring us hot water bags when needed. Ps. Highly explicit content that I may regret posting once life is back to normal 5 days later.

Thoughts that go through my mind when I'm having cramps: 

1. This womb is on fireeeeeeee. 

2. Is the world falling apart? Or is it just the walls of my uterus? 

3. I am being punished for something wrong I did in my last life right? I AM SORRY OKAY? I AM REPENTANT. Geez. 

4. I can't even sit upright for the next 2 mins. I should be given an award for sitting up and typing this post. 

5. I got the perfect excuse to curl up in bed with a large tub of Ben & Jerry's (that one flavour that I haven't tried yet). But then My Fitness Pal will scream at me for ruining my diet. *flips table* 

6. MY PERIOD TRACKER APP (yes boys, these exist) SAID THERE WERE 2 DAYS LEFT. BUT IT CAME EARLY. I WAS ENJOYING MY LIFE. WHY U CHEAT MY FEELINGS? 

7. I acknowledge that you're a human but do not TALK to me, do not TOUCH me, do not LOOK at me because I don't have the energy to peel my lips apart and form an answer, lift my finger to touch you, or turn my eyeball around and look at you. If I open my mouth, it will be incomprehensible whiny alien noises that will scar you for life. Although when my mom said something I did manage to get out " Mooooom why are you making me talk?" and I am quite proud of this achievement. Considerable exception: cuddling without talking. 

8. Where's my hot water bag? Oh wait I don't have one. WHAT KIND OF GIRL DOESN'T HAVE A WATER BAG? *gets angry at self* Should I go to Guardian now? Oh wait, I'm incapable of walking anywhere except to the washroom. Totally considering the option in the picture below. 

9. I know you've heard of Bloody Mary but have you heard of Bloody and Cramping Jaslin? She's not a very happy girl, that one. 

10. Can I write about period problems for my Journalism exam next Tuesday? Like "How to deal with periods when you're on a crazy deadline" or "Things to bring with you when you're a girl and going overseas to cover an event; No.1: Sanitary pads. 'cause you don't wanna do an interview with a stain on your skirt."

Whoo that was explicit content. I think I'm done. Ciao.

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Come and hug me and I'll be fine~