Monday, September 15, 2014

My Thoughts on Relationships

Relationships scare me. If you like/love someone, you want to be in a relationship with them. But at the same time, there is always this fear. What if it doesn't work out? What if it ends in tears and unnecessary heartbreak and drama? If you were friends before, what if it destroys your friendship altogether? But then again, if you don't try how will you know?

If you have been scarred by previous relationships most likely you'd be scared to take the plunge again. Also, there will be this constant pressure on your shoulder. "I mustn't make the same mistakes I made in my previous relationship." These kind of thoughts may make us wary of every statement, every gesture we make towards the new person in our lives and may prevent us from just being natural.

One thing I learned from my past is that being possessive is a bad idea. What I mean by possessive here is not over-reacting when you see your boy with another girl. What I mean is that I think we need to respect the other's space, know that they may need some alone-time once in a while. Girls can over-think it sometimes, interpreting lack of replies as him not being interested anymore. I have been guilty of having such thoughts. But I guess that's where self-confidence and security comes in. I think it's important to be confident in yourself and think that your boy won't leave you for someone else so easily. And knowing that he will reply you eventually. The insecure ones will fret over such things the whole day while the secure ones will have more peace.

I was on and I came across this article. I quote: "But working relationships — the type that really work — all share something in common: The two people involved are rarely — if ever — possessive of the other. They understand the need to live freely and to belong to themselves first while also belonging to each other.They’ve given up on the popularized definition of romantic love and have created a three-dimensional relationship that focuses on ideas and beliefs rather than emotions alone."

I think what is said above is really true. Yes we have a certain amount of right on the other's time but we can't expect them to be there 24 hours. Maybe at marriage level, yes. But not at our young age, where everyone is busy finding themselves, carving out a career for themselves, ticking things off of their bucket list, etc.

I think for me though, on a very busy day, just saying "Good morning" and "Good night" at the bare minimum is something one can do to let the other person know that even when he or she is distracted by other things, their other half is always on their minds. It's similar to how you don't see your parents the entire day but you see them in the morning and wish them a good morning and see them at night and wish them a good night. That's just how I see things. 

Then there is this thing where people talk about their future together. Wise? I think not. This is the part where romantic old me gets all practical. I mean, we all do it. But does it not set up unrealistic expectations? And imagine the amount of pain you may go through if you break up and you think of all those things you had said you would do together. I mean yes, it feels special to talk about your future together but even the surest of couples break-up sometimes. I mean look at Naya Rivera and Big Sean, they were about to get married and they just canceled their wedding last minute, for what reason I do not know. So I guess what I am trying to say is, yes it's okay to talk about next month, but try not to talk about five years later. I'm not saying that you can't have faith in your relationships, I'm just saying that one ought to be mature and not give the other crazy high expectations.

Next, the issue of intimacy. What the heck is intimacy? says that it is "a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group." I saw something on Instagram that really struck a chord tho. 

But the annoying thing about this is that girls and boys view intimacy differently. SO while a girl may think that they boy is being intimate by sharing his problems with her, a boy may feel that he is being intimate by holding hands. The male and female species are rarely on the same frequency after all. I guess the key is to strike a balance so that both parties are happy. 

I am actually doing my graduation project on the subject "Interpersonal Attractions and Close Relationships" and I guess that is what is making me reflect on such things. With that I think I come to the end of my ramblings for today. Till next time. :)

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Trials, Tribulations and Tests

After such a long break from blogging (no time yo), I don't even know where to start. Okay, as promised in my previous post, my transformation picture:
Last year vs This Year
Soon after my previous post was written, I found out that my mom has a tumor. My mom had actually gone for a blood test in January at a clinic just as a routine checkup. After my dad passed away, she decided to be more careful. And it was probably the best choice she ever made. The blood test revealed that my mom had really high platelets count. As such, she was referred to Singapore General Hospital. Over there, we found out that the reason for her high platelets was actually a tumor. It was called a Gastro-intestinal Stromal tumour (GIST), which is cancerous most of the time. However, they did not inform us that it was cancerous as they wanted to do a biopsy on it. 

But first, we had to remove it via surgery. May and June were two really tough months. My mom kept worrying that she might die because of the surgery while I, being more practical, kept thinking about what's going to happen AFTER the surgery, if it turns out to be cancerous. Aunty Lay Leng, Mabel, my aunt who had flown in from Bangladesh the night before the surgery, and another uncle followed my mom and I to the hospital on the day of the surgery. 

It was a nerve-wracking 2 hours during which the doctors were taking out a football-sized tumour from my mom's stomach. I am not kidding, I have a medical report and a photo which the doctors took and sent me to prove it. Shall not post it here because one may vomit. So glad that my soul sister Mabel was there when I was bawling my eyes out in the washroom. After she made it through the surgery, my aunt and I had to sleep over at the hospital some nights (on sofas or four chairs put together) to give my mom some moral support and also because you can't count on the nurses to give the patients 24 hr service. 

After the biopsy, we found out that it is cancer and then had to wait for a nerve-wrecking week before we found out what stage it is at. Thankfully, thank God, it wasn't at a very bad stage due to its localized nature. So now she is on medication and will be on it for the next 2 years at least to ensure that the cancerous tumor doesn't grow again. She is okay now, no hair dropping, no weaknesses or other symptoms. I just never thought any of my family members would be affected by Cancer. :( I cried so bad when I watched The Fault In Our Stars because I could relate in a way.

Now to less bleak topics. It's already semester two in school. Time flies so fast. I must admit I wasn't really in the mood to study for my Sem 1 exams due to mom and also because I was having a friendship problem at that time. I get affected by things easily. But luckily I did not too bad. Time to buck up this semester. Ok time to meet my gang in school:
From left to right: Teeq, Pavi, Sora, me
 One of them, Mag isn't in this picture, I'll upload a pic of us later. :)                            

Monday, May 12, 2014

Back to Blogging...missed me?

So I took a 4 month hiatus from blogging. Let's just say I was too busy to blog. "So busy with what?" you might ask. Busy getting fitter. Hahah. While I was still working at NTU, Mabel told me that she got a flyer from this thing called the Singapore Fit Challenge. She said registration fee is only $35 and that they have Zumba. I wasn't particularly attracted to it but I joined for Zumba's sake (I like to dance) and for experience's sake. 
         My first zumba session was awesome! I was totally in love with Betty, the Zumba instructor.          She always looks like she is having so much fun while she is dancing. For anyone who does
         not know what Zumba is, it is an aerobic fitness programme featuring movements inspired by various              styles of Latin American dance and performed primarily to Latin American dance music.  But usually                nowadays we don't just use Latin American moves for Zumba. We dance to all sorts of pop  
         songs and have all sorts of dance moves. Let me share with you a Zumba video from 
         Youtube that I find pretty cool. 
        So I joined that fit challenge. And I got addicted to it. Someone who hated exercise all her life.
        I got addicted to the atmosphere, the coaches, the people I met there and even to the                     exercise. Hahaha. I'd really like to give a shout out to this fit challenge because I lost 9kg.               Thank you to my Coach, Liz!! I never thought I'd lose so much weight EVER.

The next thing I knew, my coach approached me to ask me if I wanted to be a coach just like her. My immediate response was to go "HUH?!" because at that time I was probably 58kg and still feeling and looking fat. But Liz told me that it's ok to be a work in progress and a coach at the same time. So because I really liked the jobscope, I got signed up. License and all. Haha. And I am currently a coach, with my own small group of clients that I am helping. I have a wide range of people that I am helping. From people my age to people in their 50s. 

This really is a fulfilling career prospect for me but at the same time I still need a degree just to be safe. I did not do really well for my A levels so I have decided to go to MDIS and have already started school there. Fingers are still crossed that NTU or SIM gets back to me though. Didn't apply to NUS or SMU. Although if miraculously I get accepted by NTU or SIM, I will miss some MDIS peeps. :(

Finally I am studying something that I like: Mass Communications. I better get all As. Cannot afford to screw up anymore. I must say that the people at MDIS are really interesting. We all come from diverse backgrounds and some of them have really interesting stories. We have people who do DJing at clubs after school, we got people who can sing, people who can dance, people who teach art, people who ran away from home...hahahah. Oh and there are a lot of foreigners! For once I am not the only one. Hahaha. And the Russian girls look like supermodels. I swear. 

OK what else? I guess I am excited for the 17th? Organising a mini outing for WellnessXperts people and some fit challengers. :D TO USS. I need my healthy adrenaline rush. Haha. Also excited cus the Herbalife Extravagenza is coming to Singapore this year!! One needs to be at least a supervisor to qualify. Which I am not. So I can't attend. So disappointed. :( 20,000 Herbalifers from around the world are coming down to Singapore for this event. Next year it will be in some other country. Missed my chance :( Hope mom lets me go next year. I will definitely be Supervisor next year. 

I see so many potential coaches in my MDIS class. And since WellnessXperts is expanding, we do need more part time coaches. Hope I can get some peeps from my class to join as part time coaches :)

I am also super grateful to find out that one of my classmates, Zahara, lives a few bus stops away from me. At first I was just like "Yay, we can go home together on the train." But turns out she drives back and forth to school. So now I get free rides. THANK GOD. I HATE TRAVELING BY TRAIN AND BUS SO MUCH. This Zahara is God-sent I swear. Hahaha. Omg and she sings damn well. Gotta learn a thing or two from her. And she is like super cool and down to Earth. :) I am going to try really hard to not post a link to her soundcloud here because I already shared it with so many people. I don't want her to kill me. Ahahahaha.

Ok in my next post I will share my Before-After picture. This is my motivation. My awesome coach.

Shall leave you all with this funny video called "You are Single for a Reason".

I think they are trying to say it's because you don't get hints. Hahaha, funny nonetheless. 

Saturday, January 18, 2014


Time to divulge more about my job. I am working at Nanyang Technological University (NTU) as an administrative assistant. My office, the Graduates Studies Office (GSO) is on top of a hill. So I have to climb up a slope from the bus stop where I get down. By the time I reach the office, I am already sweating. LOL.

First week of work was lonely alone but luckily my colleagues were super nice. The person who hired me, Mui Gek, is SUPER nice. I had lunch with her and another temp. staff in the first week and I could actually chat with Mui Gek like as if she's my friend. :) She has a really cute laugh. 

Before I started working on 6 Jan, my agent had called me and asked if any of my friends were interested as there was one more position. I immediately started asking around and my Orientation Group mate, Meiyi, was both available and interested. So we signed her up. Then during the first week of work, my agent called me again and said there is one more position. So this time I signed Jessica up. 

Another one of the perm. staff, Doreen, had told me that Jess would be in the same section as another guy she had just hired. So I was like "Oooh, who is this mysterious new guy?" And on Sunday night, my friend Neeran messaged me and said that the new guy is her friend, Siddarth, whom I coincidentally kind of know since he is from the same college as me and is friends with my friend Shamira. What a small world!

So on 13 Jan, I met up with Meiyi, Jess and Sid at Jurong Point and took them to work with me and I no longer felt lonely any more. :D We eat lunch together, go to work together and usually go home together. I like our camaraderie! We also met a nice guy at work from Hwa Chong, who has finished his National Service and is waiting to start studying at NTU. He's called Tze Hao. 

Meiyi and I are both in the Exam committee and have to keep doing different things throughout the day and get really tired sometimes while Jess and Sid are in another comm. and do the same thing the whole day, which can make them really bored and their butts sore from sitting down for too long. So there are pros and cons.

Meiyi and I keep laughing during work!! Hope we continue to be able to entertain each other this way. :D

That's all for now. Bye! :)

Saturday, January 11, 2014

New year, same me?

The whole "New Year, new me" thing? It doesn't seem to be working out. I am the same :/

Anyways, time for new year resolutions (belated, I know)

1. Draw Closer to God

I have been going to more religious meetings lately. Just went for one last night and returned home from there at 11pm. LOL. It feels so good to get together with everyone and praise God.
Today I learned a new worship song called This is the Way. It's really nice.

2. Get a healthier lifestyle

NEED. TO. GO. RUNNING. Unfortunately with work, it's hard to find time. Fml. But I bought new running shoes (and they are very pretty) so I feel that it may motivate me to go running. xD 

3. Make new friends but keep and treasure
the old

Met really nice people at work :) Hope to get to know them more. At the same time, I must not lose touch with my sec school and JC besties.

Met up with Reetz after VERY long. We ate at breadtalk cafe at Westgate and talked and talked and talked. Glad that despite not meeting for over a year, everything's still the same. :D Same closeness. <3 br="" nbsp="">

SO HAPPY FOR REETZ FOR GETTING INTO OXFORD. Gratz girl! :) I must hang out with her more before she goes off to UK in August. :(

That brings me to the point, what am I doing with my life?

4. Be a better daughter

I must admit I lack many qualities that a good daughter should have. And sometimes I even talk back to my mom. :( Need to stop that and treasure her more. After all, I love her more than anyone else in the world. AND I need to spend more time with her. Going to watch a bollywood movie with her in the cinemas later :)

5. Have more adventures

By adventures I mean try out new things I have never tried before. For example, going hiking. :)

Short post, I know. Ok I have to go now. Toodles :)

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Uncategorized Thoughts

Well, I have a lot of stuff to say and I am going to chuck everything into one post so here goes:

A supernatural upbringing: 

I will NEVER, EVER, give my future child (if any) a supernatural upbringing. Do you have any idea how much damage it does? Take my mom for instance. Ever since my dad has died (Mr Dore says "passed away" is a stupid term) my mom has kept the living room lights on throughout the night while we sleep as well as a lamp on in her room. We normally sleep with all lights off.

Why the sudden change? Because she is afraid that my dad's spirit will visit the house. -.- I am a Christian who firmly believes that there are no ghosts, and that the dead do not come back to haunt us. Demon, I believe. Demons trying to scare us by "acting" as ghosts, I believe. But not spirits of dead people.

So while I sleep in peace, my mom is restless at night, fearing that she will see my dad's spirit. Gahhhh. The electricity bill this month is damn high thanks to her. I tried talking sense into her but it hasn't worked so far.

Hiking at Bukit Timah:

I went hiking at Bukit Timah for the first time with Judy in December! Unhealthy me was panting while going up the steep slope! I was glad to be in such close proximity with nature. The flora and fauna, the sweating, the fresh air and the company...I loved them all. Definitely going back there soon. In fact, maybe this Friday. (if my mom allows)

I was also glad to be able to spend some time with Judy NOT STUDYING. Because before that, during A levels, we met almost everyday And I am sure we both could use some exercise.

Here are some photos:
Look who reached the summit
Beautiful canopy
The trail of doom

Trip To Sentosa On Christmas Day:

Went to Sentosa on Christmas day with Wei Chin and Wan Ling. Darren couldn't make it...something about an upset stomach I think. Oh well, the three of us enjoyed ourselves at Palawan beach. We took the boardwalk there from Vivocity rather than take the tram. We should grab whatever chance we can to exercise right? Haha! Although we did take the travelator for most of the journey.

Wei Chin and I were worrying about the crowd but Wan Ling assured us that it won't be crowded from her experience of going there last Christmas. And she was right! Phew! And at Palawan beach we realised something interesting. A certain part of the beach has hard and rough sand while a certain part has really soft sand. At first we sat on the hard sand and had our picnic. Then it started to drizzle and we packed up, disappointed, and was waiting for the shuttle bus to GO HOME when it stopped drizzling. So we just came back to the beach again and we decided to change location and that's when we accidentally discovered the soft sand. It's near the bridge by the way. Near the CAUTION sign. :D

I hadn't met Wan Ling for AGES before that day so I must admit I was worried about awkwardness, despite the fact that she's my secondary school best friend. But I shouldn't have worried. :) Best friends never get awkward around each other. We hugged when we met up at Vivo and it was like old times again.

BFF Wan Ling :)

L for Love
Romantic right? U jealous?
Weight Issues:

Recently I tried some Xndo products. Basically Xndo provides meals, the ones we usually eat, but their meals have way less calories. For example, Tom Yam noodles may generally contain 300 plus calories but Xndo ones only contain 176 calories. 

"Our delicious complete meals are calorie controlled with at least 50% less calories of its similar traditional meals so you can keep eating the foods that you love while you limit your daily calorie intake. " Found this on their website.

I am sure I can trust their credibility but I was more worried about the taste. Well I tried the Black Pepper Fish, which is one of their bestsellers, and the Milk Tea. 

THE MILK TEA HAS NO TASTE. I don't mean to diss them or whatever, I'm just saying the honest truth. However, the one useful thing about the milk tea is that it can act as a carbohydrate blocker. If you drink a cup before a meal, for instance dinner, it will block the carbohydrates in that meal from being stored in your system. This is good for people trying to lose weight.

The Black pepper fish Bee Hoon is actually quite nice (very spicy). I would try it again :) 

Now for the price: 

Black pepper fish with Bee Hoon is $11.95. For one meal, that may feel like a hefty price to pay. So I would only recommend this company for despos who REALLY don't want to exercise and would rather diet. 

The milk tea, which consists of 5 sachets, costs $9.95. Once again, if you are despo enough go ahead. 

I for one, might not buy the meals again just because of the cost and the tea again cus I can't taste anything. But if cost is not a factor, the meals taste fine :)

for more information you can check out this website:

Where to buy: nearest outlet is Jurong Point B1 :)

Goodbye 2013:

And lastly, goodbye 2013 and HELLO 2014!

Hope it will be a healthy and blessed year for all of you and myself. :)

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

So after my father passed away, a lot of shit had to be done. Excuse my language. We had to go to the CPF building, Jurong Town Council, NTUC Income and AIA (insurance companies), Great Eastern, DBS, Citibank, SP Services and Courts headquarters. So much admin stuff to settle. So much paperwork to do. Been traveling around with my mom almost every single day. Even now we are not done. There are payments to settle on the 26th. Got a break because of Christmas (thank goodness).

So aside from all these admin stuff, I have also been attending interviews because I apparently did not get the other jobs I signed up for. I think the main reason is because I am screwing up my interviews -.- gahhhhhh. Ok no more screwing up, must get a job by start of Jan. Not for the money, but for the peace of mind. You know that horrible "odd-one-out" feeling? My close friends all seem to have jobs already and here I am jobless.

In my desperation, I googled "How to Ace an Interview". A relatively useful article came out. I shall be nice and share it with you all in case there is someone else losing hope like me.

In other news, during the first week, some of my friends came by to cheer me up and offer their condolences. Brielle and Wendy came by and I appreciated it a lot!! My class girls also came over! Thanks guys :')
Mazi couldn't be there because she was on vacation in Malaysia. She was sorely missed :(

Also, Wendy came over to my house today and introduced me to an American supernatural drama called Sleepy Hollow. OMG it is so awesome, totally my type. I can't stop hyperventilating. It is REALLY worth watching, I swear. Take my word for it. If you're bored at home, try watching this. I am going to force Wendy to come to my house this Saturday so that I can continue watching it on high definition on her laptop. I am not sure if I can find it in such good quality elsewhere. :/ HOOKED.

I'll be hanging out with Wan Ling and Wei Chin (and hopefully Darren) at Sentosa tmr. Hope the crowd isn't bad. >< Anyways, Merry Christmas to those who celebrate Xmas! :)

Brielle's going off to Australia tmr! Hope he has a safe flight! :)

That's all for now.