Is Life Even Worth Living?

"Is life even worth living?"

People usually only ask this question when they're suicidal. Well, I'm not cause I need to take care of my mom. But...other than that, I don't see the point in living. I have this iPhone app called Happiness. I'm glad I downloaded it cause when I am at an all time low, it tells me things to cheer me up. I shall go and click on it now. This is what it says:

"Smile and laugh more often. It will preserve your youthfulness and keep the wrinkles away."

Good advice but I gotta ask myself...smile at what? Smile at who?

Everytime my mom opens her mouth, I get pissed off. I have been raging at her the whole day when it's not even her fault. It's not her fault that I feel pathetic. That I have no friends. That people outside don't care about me. SHE does and yet I give HER trouble. I give her the cold treatment. I vent my frustrations on my poor and innocent mom. What for?

My youthfulness was gone a long time ago. Gone with the wind. My dad's misbehavior and my love not being reciprocated in secondary school sucked the life out of me. What is left behind is a shell. Once in a while I try to be happy by participating in many school activities. Guitar, Squash inter-house competition, drama...yesterday I was quite happy actually. I met up with Koko and Shao Rong and played Squash at school. :)

But today, ever since I woke up I have been feeling useless and grumpy. Is it pms? Or am I just beginning to make sense of things?

Yes, I have a clique to hang out with at school. We eat together etc. But...when I need them at home, there's not a single person I can call. :) At first I thought I could call Shamira but she is closer to the others. Whatever. If I'm destined to not have a new best friend in JJc, fine, so be it. Not destined to ever love again? So be it. No guy best friend in JJ? SO be it. I would like to say "My secondary school bestie's will always be there for me". But now I even doubt that. :)

Pathetic little Jaslin. Not good at anything. Got 17 for O levels. What a loser. Keeps auditioning for singing competitions and never makes it in. So obese that she can't even fit into nice clothes. Never once passed her NAFA. So ugly that no guy will ever like her. Sucks at guitar and is in guitar club. I dunno if people think this of me. But i definitely think this of myself. Ok, getting too negative here. Shall click on the Happiness app once again. Here's what it says:

" Always work on improving yourself".

Omg, it read my mind. T.T scary...

Kay. Thing to achieve before I turn 18.

1) Improve body image. Aka : Lose weight, get nicer clothes etc.

2) Work on self confidence. (dunno how -.-)

3) improve at Guitar (otherwise quit in September)

4) top the class at Common tests

I better get to work then, at number 4. :) Met Cheryl at JP just now. Her older sister was in NJC. Cheryl passed me her sister's JC notes and guide books. Awesome :)