My Thoughts on Relationships

Relationships scare me. If you like/love someone, you want to be in a relationship with them. But at the same time, there is always this fear. What if it doesn't work out? What if it ends in tears and unnecessary heartbreak and drama? If you were friends before, what if it destroys your friendship altogether? But then again, if you don't try how will you know?

If you have been scarred by previous relationships most likely you'd be scared to take the plunge again. Also, there will be this constant pressure on your shoulder. "I mustn't make the same mistakes I made in my previous relationship." These kind of thoughts may make us wary of every statement, every gesture we make towards the new person in our lives and may prevent us from just being natural.

One thing I learned from my past is that being possessive is a bad idea. What I mean by possessive here is not over-reacting when you see your boy with another girl. What I mean is that I think we need to respect the other's space, know that they may need some alone-time once in a while. Girls can over-think it sometimes, interpreting lack of replies as him not being interested anymore. I have been guilty of having such thoughts. But I guess that's where self-confidence and security comes in. I think it's important to be confident in yourself and think that your boy won't leave you for someone else so easily. And knowing that he will reply you eventually. The insecure ones will fret over such things the whole day while the secure ones will have more peace.

I was on elitedaily.com and I came across this article. I quote: "But working relationships — the type that really work — all share something in common: The two people involved are rarely — if ever — possessive of the other. They understand the need to live freely and to belong to themselves first while also belonging to each other.They’ve given up on the popularized definition of romantic love and have created a three-dimensional relationship that focuses on ideas and beliefs rather than emotions alone."

I think what is said above is really true. Yes we have a certain amount of right on the other's time but we can't expect them to be there 24 hours. Maybe at marriage level, yes. But not at our young age, where everyone is busy finding themselves, carving out a career for themselves, ticking things off of their bucket list, etc.

I think for me though, on a very busy day, just saying "Good morning" and "Good night" at the bare minimum is something one can do to let the other person know that even when he or she is distracted by other things, their other half is always on their minds. It's similar to how you don't see your parents the entire day but you see them in the morning and wish them a good morning and see them at night and wish them a good night. That's just how I see things. 

Then there is this thing where people talk about their future together. Wise? I think not. This is the part where romantic old me gets all practical. I mean, we all do it. But does it not set up unrealistic expectations? And imagine the amount of pain you may go through if you break up and you think of all those things you had said you would do together. I mean yes, it feels special to talk about your future together but even the surest of couples break-up sometimes. I mean look at Naya Rivera and Big Sean, they were about to get married and they just canceled their wedding last minute, for what reason I do not know. So I guess what I am trying to say is, yes it's okay to talk about next month, but try not to talk about five years later. I'm not saying that you can't have faith in your relationships, I'm just saying that one ought to be mature and not give the other crazy high expectations.

Next, the issue of intimacy. What the heck is intimacy? Dictionary.com says that it is "a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group." I saw something on Instagram that really struck a chord though. 

But the annoying thing about this is that girls and boys view intimacy differently. SO while a girl may think that they boy is being intimate by sharing his problems with her, a boy may feel that he is being intimate by holding hands. The male and female species are rarely on the same frequency after all. I guess the key is to strike a balance so that both parties are happy. 

I am actually doing my graduation project on the subject "Interpersonal Attractions and Close Relationships" and I guess that is what is making me reflect on such things. With that I think I come to the end of my ramblings for today. Till next time. :)